Post 01:
I really don't want to go back to the psychiatric hospital, but I'm afraid it's headed in that direction. Calm down. I don't realize how good things are right now. I could EASILY get readmitted and lose my freedom.
Post 02:
Realistically, I'm not the one who is Beavis and Butt-Head... It's actually you. You just have a lot of money and everyone is telling you how great you are. You're an out-of-touch pretentious douche who has no clue what the real world is like.
Post 03:
As I've repeatedly said, people THINK they know me from my social media content then they meet me in real life. They think to themselves: "wow, that's not what I was expecting." I behave more like a human being in real life, not a performer.
Post 04:
Fuck! I'm on the path to my EIGHTH psychiatric hospital admission. If you don't know, I go to the psychiatric hospital that the poor people go to. It's hell on Earth. Hopefully, I can come out of this tailspin and the hospital can be avoided because I HATE IT THERE.
Post 05:
Trust me when I tell you the Nassau County Medical Center psychiatric unit is HELL ON EARTH... I am on the path to getting locked in there yet again. So fight off the delusions.
Post 06:
I kinda need some help and TLC from a nurturing mother-like figure.
Post 07:
I have this real wisdom where no one impresses me at all. I see these models interacting with celebrities almost starstruck. Maybe in hindsight they'll realize what fools they were. I've seen the writing on the wall. Trust me. With that said, I need some genuine real love.
Post 08:
People are afraid to be around schizophrenics because they're afraid of getting assaulted. Ironically, when I went to the Fountain House, it was me who was afraid of getting assaulted by schizophrenics. They say just because someone is mentally ill doesn't make them violent.
Post 09:
They said you're more likely to get attacked on the streets. I don't know, man. If you gather tons of schizophrenics in one location the probability for something bad happening is greater in my opinion.
Post 10:
To my half-siblings, if we get lunch together Friday, should I bring the DSLR camera to take a photo? Have the Syd Barrett hair? Or get it cut?
Post 11:
Assuming you're a rich and famous superstar in disguise, I realize it's important you remain safe due to getting recognized (safety first), but if you want me to give you the tour of the suburbs then check out my apartment people often have a lot of fun when they're around me.
Post 12:
However, if you're actually super famous that might be a bad idea. Funny, yes. But it could potentially end badly if you get recognized. We shouldn't risk it.
Post 13:
The massapequa diner advertises on their website, Jerry Seinfeld ate here a few times because he grew up in massapequa. Maybe we should go undercover on the sly.
Post 14:
People keep telling me it's Scott Hall. Was it his idea? If so, it's horrible he died and never got to see his plan come to fruition. I guess that's life. Nobody will live forever. It would've been cool if he was alive to see it.
Post 15:
I can't blame everyone for socializing while I sat in solitude. I was an introvert with no social skills. They were extroverted partiers. Extroverts have an easier time attracting women.
Post 16:
Oh, it was Lily who was starstruck over Matt Hardy, unaware she was being trolled later on which I was unaware I was even doing. It turns out I am the secret son of Owen Hart.
Post 17:
I feel bad, but she didn't. She was a bully. That's the difference.
Post 18:
Realistically, why were you all bullying me online in secret. It's kinda strange there was a community dedicated to bullying me. Ya know?
Post 19:
Wow, I met my hero BROKEN Matt Hardy and Brother Nero (before he went to jail for drinking and driving).
Post 20:
People love to put me down and underestimate how intelligent I actually am. They wanted to think of me as a moron. The narrative that I'm stupid is just plain incorrect. I was simply sick with mental illness.
Post 21:
I can be like a horrifying and scary schizophrenic who scares everyone at times. I'll accept that narrative. But I'm not dumb.
Post 22:
I don't know who is to blame for my lost time. The bullies at school for injuring my mind? Myself / God for being mentally ill? Important people in the movie industry for not rescuing me when I was in college and letting me pour my life down the drain? Well, my life went badly.
Post 23:
I was practically a virgin before meeting Kelly. Did she INTENTIONALLY infect me with HIV without me knowing she had it? Or am I getting a panic attacks again? Stop getting rapid delusional mood swings going from she loves me, to she wants to murder me in secret, to she loves me.
Post 24:
It was my "father" (Robert Koloski) who was INTENTIONALLY turning me into a laughing-stock like Beavis and Butt-Head, stripping me of my dignity, bullying me, and humiliating me.
Post 25:
Let's be real here. Getting emotional about taking the mega regimen of psychiatric medications aside. Was my mother REALLY trying to kill me pharmacologically and was getting pleasure from my suffering? Or in her mind, although maybe an incorrect decision, she was trying to help?
Post 26:
I'm becoming AFRAID I was vulnerable and Kelly was INTENTIONALLY trying to hurt me. Don't start to feel sick to my stomach thinking she secretly infected me with HIV. The truth is I'm getting an emotional panic attack. Think of the warm memories. She loves me, not a deceiver.
Post 27:
I saw a man in an FBI sweater in my partial program. I got predicate logic he was undercover FBI investigating the torture I lived through. He's a "teacher." That'd be next level undercover. He wouldn't introduce himself as FBI. The problem is Schizoaffective disorder.
Post 28:
I feel like I've been sitting in solitude for MONTHS and that's why I'm so sick. NO ONE is forcing me to do it. It's my choice. I'm not around others. Want more real-life friends. Ideally, a girlfriend. I tell myself a girlfriend would moisten my mind and make me feel happy.
Post 29:
When I was sitting in solitude for YEARS, Dr. Natural gave my a Fountain House prescription. He said human interaction and self-esteem in the real world is more effective in mental health recovery than any antipsychotic. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.
Post 30:
I do exercise everyday. I walk on the treadmill. That's good for physical fitness and mental health. It's very solitary, though. I come, do my workout, then leave. I've NEVER met a single friend in all my years of going to the gym. Though, exercise is healthy.
Post 31:
I'm losing weight. It might be because I'm not eating enough. Try not to catastrophize that I'm dying from life-threatening cancer because there's no medical evidence of it. Though, bad mental health is highly carcinogenic.
Post 32:
A distressing emotion I have is it's valentine's day and I would really like a girlfriend.
Post 33:
To distract myself from not having a girlfriend, I could workout at the gym, do artwork, try not to focus on my frustration so much.
Post 34:
The reason I have difficulty meeting girls girlfriend is NOT my mother, it's Schizoaffective disorder. I have bad social skills and anxiety. If I smiled at others and talked in the real world, I increase my chances of meeting someone.
Post 35:
I remember I once pushed through the anxiety, went on a date, thought she looked at my critically... But I later learned she liked me and we became romantic partners.
Post 36:
I'm frustrated from being involuntarily celibate, but remember some people are 50 year old virgins. Rather than get angry when I'm sitting in solitude, go somewhere, or go on an Internet dating website. Don't cry and get upset about my pain and frustration.
Post 37:
Even if it's not a romantic partner, a male friend that's simply my buddy is better than sitting in solitude for MONTHS. Socialize with ANYONE. A life in the real-world will make me much happier.
Post 38:
The problem is not my mother, it's that I'm introverted, stare at women like I'm Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd, and women reject me. I'm not an extroverted party animal and ladies man like Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men.
Post 39:
A sensation I can do so I don't focus on the frustration from lack of a girlfriend is maybe taking a warm bubble bath or drinking a cool glass of oat milk in the evening.
Post 40:
Does Kelly love me? Or was she involved with someone like Charlie Sheen? They're pictures of her with him all dolled up in a mini skirt. Did she INTENTIONALLY want to infect me with HIV to torture me? My parents knew. I was practically a virgin. They wanted to rob me of sex.
Post 41:
Try not to catastrophize the worst. Even if Kelly is a deceiving psychopath, which Dr. Natural said she wasn't, and she was conspiring with my parents to kill me. There's no medical I have HIV... Yet. It's a rapid delusional mood swing panic attack. They're not sexual sadists.
Post 42:
People are not incompetent fools. If the FBI or psychiatrists thought I was in danger they'd intervene immediately and get me to safety. They know it's delusions from Schizoaffective disorder.
Post 43:
I think Kelly had a pornstar, who may or may not have HIV, serve my deli sandwich where the meat was like rubber and macaroni salad today which I ate (which is abnormal). I'm thinking: what's wrong with my sandwich and food? It's vengeance for the social media posts.
Post 44:
My mother and father can yell at me and this makes me angry when they do. When that happens, I can behave inappropriately by punching a wall if it escalates. When both my mother and my moods are elevated get out of the house before the fight evolves even more.
Post 45:
If I'm home with my mother. She's screaming. I'm emotionally responding. The situation is going nowhere good. Don't do something out of emotion that I'll later regret. Get out of there. Go for a walk, go to the gym, the mall, anywhere. In an hour or so maybe everyone will be calm
Post 46:
It's important I don't make an emotional decision because let's say I punch a wall, the fight will escalate even more, we don't want it to get to the point of no return.
Post 47:
Sometimes self-defense is necessary. I was a timid child. Wouldn't stand up for me at school. I let everyone bully me. The school system wasn't doing enough about it. Most kids would and should punch the bully right in the face if they're being invasive and persistent.
Post 48:
If someone is making a stupid joke that's extremely offensive, but there's no malice. That's not the time or place for violence. However, if they're repeatedly being verbally abusive to damage you THEN STICK UP FOR YOURSELF. If they're being a fool - tell yourself it's foolish.
Post 49:
Obviously, I'm referring to bullies at school being verbally abusive, not a heated argument between loved ones where you know they love you. The bullies at school INTENDED to cause damage in harm with their actions. My parents love me.
Post 50:
If everyone abuses you, you never stick up for yourself, internalize, are timid, never defend yourself, and it's repeated... It causes a mental health injury and that's what caused my Schizoaffective disorder
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