Post 01:
If you're exactly who you say you are, 13 years older, a woman who is close to 50 now. I'm happy to have shared intimacy with you. Thanks for lending a hand. You helped me during a difficult time in my life. Sorry for my panic attacks and mental illness. The best times of my life
Post 02:
I daydream all sorts of stories, who is the monster responsible for January 2020... My mother? Dr. Garrett? The lounge? Kelly? My mental illness? Elon Musk's artificial intelligence? Maybe it's an accident and a mistake no one wanted to happen and everyone feels bad about it.
Post 03:
I am having a hard time accepting January 2020 was an accident. Maybe nobody wanted it to happen. Maybe I want somebody nefarious to blame. I want there to be a monster behind a mask. Maybe there really wasn't and accept it. If there was, I hope you'll admit it and not deceive me
Post 04:
Even if there was deception that led to January 2020, everyone's intentions were good, no one was sadistic. It was supposed to be a feel-good surprise. They wanted me to recover and to be a rockstar. I'm not sure why I don't want to believe it's true. Maybe no one's to blame.
Post 05:
Is "Sam" the bully from middle school (20 years ago) and he's gaslighting me into thinking he's somebody new? If so, it's not funny, you caused my mental health injury. Get lost. I don't like you. I don't forgive you. If he's someone new... Then you can stick around.
Post 06:
Enough with the deception and gaslighting. I've HAD ENOUGH OF IT. At the core of all the lies is my father (Robert Koloski). He'll CONTINUE TO LIE RIGHT TO MY FACE. It's not funny. It's evil. Tell me the truth. Psychopath.
Post 07:
"Sam" says he doesn't know the bully from middle school or my father. ASSUMING he's telling me the truth, he's somebody brand new, not a half-sibling or a childhood bully, and I met him two years ago... I'll continue to hang out with him. Maybe my imagination was running wild.
Post 08:
The middle school bully will deny it, but he caused my mental health injury and is responsible for me lacking social skills, self-esteem, and descending into madness. It's a fact confirmed by the best in the business at psychiatry. He traumatized me. That's the real MONSTER.
Post 09:
I desire no relationship with the middle school bully. If he introduced himself as someone new to enter my life, I suggest you get lost because I hate him for ruining what should've been the best years of my life. Frankly, I'll probably be dead within 5 years from cancer anyway.
Post 10:
Did my mother sell the old Levittown house to my middle school bully? Somebody tell me the truth. Enough with all the lies. Everyone's a deceiving psychopath it seems. Screw everyone. It's not funny. It's horrible. They're SADISTIC MONSTERS. I hate you all.
Post 11:
They are gaslighting psychopaths who are afraid to tell me the truth at this point because they know it will send me into a rage, as it should. So we'll continue to lie and heavily medicate me based on things that aren't delusions? It just doesn't make any sense.
Post 12:
Does anybody know my father (Robert Koloski)? Do any of you know any major secrets that my parents might be keeping from me? Do you know any of their lies and gaslighting? If so, please enlighten me to what the truth is because they won't tell me.
Post 13:
You might think people don't look at you like you're different and defective if you have severe mental illness, are the victim of rape, come to United States of America from a horrible country... But the reality is most people won't say it to your face, but they do avoid you.
Post 14:
I was clearly getting delusions last night. While I'm in an emotional tsunami, it's probably best to stay off social media.
Post 15:
I SUSPECTED my comedy friends either know my father, or are related to him in some way, and everyone was playing a prank on me. SUSPICIONS mean daydreams becoming real AKA delusions. They don't know him. It's not reality.
Post 16:
The problem is I am a social media addict. I think my ticket to changing my life, freedom, independence, and becoming a movie star, is social media. What I don't realize, I'm at rock-bottom like Robert Downey Jr. was. Do I have potential to give up my addiction? Yes.
Post 17:
I have family members who don't even have social media accounts. For me, I have the desire because I want to be rich and famous. I'm hoping my posts will accomplish that for me. For my family members, they're not addicts who are daydreaming about Hollywood superstardom.
Post 18:
The key to recovery, as Dr. Garrett has been telling me for years, is to give up the social media Fantasyland like Joanne Greenberg in the novel "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden", meet real world friends, develop independence, and gain self-esteem... Not living in daydreams.
Post 19:
In simple terms, I had no friends, my parents didn't hear me, I was always alone in my head, I was TERRIFIED of the real world, I stayed at home, and social media became my best friend. Hopefully, not to much masochistic self-destruction happened and I can be like R. Downey Jr.
Post 20:
It's a catch-22. I don't want to delete social media because I want my posts and videos to be used in a documentary/movie, but the key to recovery is DELETING SOCIAL MEDIA and accepting it was wasted time in a fantasyland.
Post 21:
Maybe it's time I put my foot down. Say to myself, "ENOUGH!" And give up my social media daydream world. I'll be happier when I do. The problem is bullies made me scared of the real world. I feel safe and sound in "Wonderland." It's wasted time and a decent into madness.
Post 22:
I want to take responsibility for my social media addiction and not blame my parents. They might ask, "what could we have done? It's your choice." Well, for starters, you're providing me with the internet. Maybe you should take it away from me? But I need to take accountability.
Post 23:
I think I'm leaving this partial program in a week or so - moving on. I want to continue to live in the real world. I want to give up my solitary social media fantasyland, to have a life, independence, a happy future, not continue to pour my life down the drain.
Post 24:
The key to recovery is meeting friends, socializing, not run back to my fantasyland. I have a real social media addiction. Maybe delete social media. Though, I want my content to be seen.
Post 25:
I hope to be like Robert Downey Jr. in the future. I don't want to be in prison or the psychiatric hospital for ten years. I want to be a rich and famous movie star. Accept I'm an addict at rock-bottom. Say, "ENOUGH!" Leave "Wonderland." Develop a life for myself.
Post 26:
I need to join casting calls for acting, theater groups, comedy classes. Basically, I'll have fun and enjoy my life if I live in the REAL WORLD. I'll be miserable and DESCEND INTO MADNESS if I continue to go down the social media "Hollywood superstar" rabbit hole pipe dream.
Post 27:
In years past, I handled fear by hiding from the world at home. What my anxiety does - it shrinks my world and imprisons me. The key to recovery, don't be scared of the real world and I might be surprised to learn how fun reality actually is.
Post 28:
Unfortunately, when you have mental illness people often reject you because of the stigma. Don't take it personally, become self-conscious, and lose faith in humanity. You might find somebody who loves you in time.
Post 29:
When friends or a girlfriend move on, or you lose a loved one, you might feel grief, sadness, longing for the past. Accept the past is over - and move on with your life too. I guess it's ok to remember the happy times together?
Post 30:
Relationships end. Don't delude yourself into believing they still love you, maybe they don't, or maybe they do, but the relationship wasn't working. When someone is responsible for living your life for you, you're dependent, it's especially hard when the relationship ends.
Post 31:
I feel cold, sad, and empty. I desire a girlfriend. I need someone to seriously love me. Although I'm extremely frustrated, I'm unwell and need to focus on mental health recovery. Even if you have good intentions, two mentally ill romantic partners can become problematic if sick.
Post 32:
I'm having a bit of a mental breakdown. Like Owen Hart once said: "Enough is enough and it's time for a change." Don't expect others to do it for me. Create a life for MYSELF.
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