Emails, Dr. Garrett, January 2024

Dr. Garrett's Email:

Jan 10, 2024, 10:11 AM

Andrew

We need to reach a joint decision about whether to continue meeting, or should we interrupt psychotherapy sessions for now.  Even if there is some part of you that thinks I may not be the monster you are currently imagining me to be, if your predominant feeling is that I am plotting to harm you it will very difficult for you to hear anything I say as intended to be of help to you.   What are your thoughts about continuing to meet or suspending sessions?   A related question - have you told your mother that I am, as you phrase it, a "fiend"?

Dr G

My Email:

Jan 10, 2024, 10:37 AM

You were the one who first introduced the term "fiend" about my parents many years ago. 

You said on October 4, 2018: "It is not a credible idea that your mother, father, and step-father are sexually aroused by your suffering.  One possibility here is that when you are feeling the constraints of your life, you blame your parents by bringing charges of sexual perversity.  You and I need to investigate where this feeling that your parents are fiends comes from." 

However, I still see you as the monster. I could try to fight off the suspicions and see you with the excellent psychiatrist lens again. What would your motivation be to give me an HIV "accident"? I put "accident in quotation marks because I'm accusing you of doing it with premeditated intent. 

But you're a professional doctor. I suffer from delusions. Much like my parents in 2018 - try not to see you as a "fiend."

Should we attempt a session tomorrow at 11:15 am? Or should we suspend sessions until I stop seeing you as a sexual sadist and deceiver?

And yes, I've told my mother how I see you as the "fiend."

Dr. Garrett's Email:

Jan 10, 2024, 1:11 PM

Andrew

Assuming I was the first to use the word fiend in our conversation, and I have no reason to doubt your tracking the emails I send you that includes this word, are you implying that my being the first to use this word  has any special meaning?  You believed your parents were monsters long before I every spoke that word.  Are you SUSPECTING that I meant to "plant" the idea that your parents were fiends by using that word?   Do you believe that I maliciously use words to plant them in your mind?   If so, you will not be inclined to take in anything I have to say in psychotherapy for fear I am "planting" an idea (which is not my intent) but simply trying to use words to communicate with you.    You must make the decision about whether we continue psychotherapy tomorrow or take a break for a while.  I want to be guided by your judgment here.

Dr G   

My Email:

Jan 10, 2024, 1:19 PM

I'm accusing you of being the only and only sexual sadist. I'm accusing you of giving me the HIV "accident" - which was no accident - you did it to me through gaslighting and manipulation. Let's suspend all future sessions. After all, why would I see someone who is getting sexual pleasure from my suffering while creating a facade you're trying to help me? Hopefully, I am just "delusional." Though, I don't believe I am. I believe there's always been a hidden reality and you intended to hurt me.

Dr. Garrett's Email:

Jan 11, 2024, 7:50 AM

Andrew

At your request, we will suspend sessions for now.  If you have a change of mind, please contact me and we can consider next steps.

Dr G

My Email:

Jan 11, 2024, 7:58 AM

For what it's worth, this morning I'm not thinking of you as the deceiving sexual sadist who gave me the HIV "accident" with premeditated intent. I'm thinking of my friends and family as the fiends and monsters. Since I see you as the good guy today, maybe we could attempt session at 11:15 a.m.? Or, maybe I need to come to the realization it was an accident and nobody hurt me with premeditated intent. There is no sadistic deceiver or hidden reality.

I know we call it the bane of my existence soup du jour. Today's monster who is responsible for ruining my life are my friends and family. Yesterday, it was you. The truth is there's not one sadistic monster. There are a lot of people who are to blame. It's very shades of grey.

And the HIV "accident" was exactly that AN ACCIDENT.

My Email:

Jan 11, 2024, 8:54 AM

Actually, on second thought, I believe Dr. Garrett is the one and only deceiving sexual sadist. I no longer believe my friends and family gave me the HIV "accident" with PREMEDITATED INTENT. It was no accident. Dr. Garrett wanted to hurt me through gaslighting and manipulation. So today's session is suspended. All sessions are suspended until I realize I'm "delusional" (as you say).