My mother is an abusive narcissist, a monster behind the mask, a pharmacological abuser - she was trying to fry my brain with the mega regimen of psychiatric medications. She was trying to give me cancer. She was a sadistic torturer. Frankly, it's obvious. It's clear as day.
If I don't like living at home with my abusive mother who is secretly getting pleasure from my suffering - no one is forcing me to live here. Unfortunately, my executive functioning isn't high. I'm in a hostile dependent relationship where I'm getting abused by my sadistic mother.
What's worse being financially dependent and told I'm a loser by my sadistic mother? Or being homeless? Or being in the psychiatric hospital? Being in a hostile dependent relationship with my mother where she abuses me is probably the best case scenario at the moment.
Even though my mother is getting pleasure from my suffering and was trying to kill me while creating the facade she was trying to help me... Living at her house in solitude is better than being homeless. It's better than the psychiatric hospital. It's still hell on earth.
Catch it, check it, change it. I had a verbal fight with my mother today. She's being an abusive monster TODAY. But I guarantee tomorrow, or soon, I'll see her with the loving mother glasses lens again. Realize I'm emotional about her at the moment. It'll pass.
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