My Father And January 2020

My father asked to get together, I said: "If you tell me the truth about January 2020. If not, I never want to see you again"

It couldn't be more obvious he's lying and there's a hidden reality. He'll either continue to lie and gaslight me - then I'll have no relationship with him. Or he'll tell me the truth. But the truth is bad. We both know it.

I'll let my emotions calm down and tell myself there's no hidden reality about January 2020. No one, especially my friends and family (and this includes my dad), wanted or wants to hurt me. There's no sadistic deceiver. Let the "delusions" pass and have a nice day.

Frankly, I feel like EVERYONE is lying to me. I'll just be willfully blind and not emotional about EVERYONE'S deception. They tell me I'm "delusional". No one is lying. There's no hidden reality. Everyone is being honest and transparent with me. They're not gaslighting me.

I want to avoid a psychiatric hospitalization because that's HELL ON EARTH. So I'll just say the delusions have passed. The truth is I SUSPECT something nefarious happened in January 2020. I just won't get emotionally triggered by it today because I want to enjoy my day.