CBT: The HIV Scare:
Memories of actual events that are corroborated by others of independent evidence:
I became intimate with Kelly in November 2019. She was having panic attacks about HIV which led to me having panic attacks. Though, her bloodwork was clean which she showed me.
On December 31, 2019, we were in Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
Then later that evening, I stepped on some debris at an upscale lounge on January 1, 2020, after Dr. Garrett asked what it was, I chose to go to the emergency room and take PrEP.
Memories that may or may not be factual:
I see social media content and photographs from before, during, and after the HIV "accident" and think It might've been no accident. Maybe the whole thing was planned? It seems like people are admitting it without admitting it.
For example posts in 2019 about hypodermic needles, and hand sanitizer pics from 2017. My "predicate logic" even goes as far back as posts from 2011.
Imagining something that you know is not actually as you are imagining it:
My mother, father, Kelly, Dr. Garrett, Dr. Coplan, Oje Hart, and Lady Gaga all conspired to get me to take PrEP because I'm a human sacrifice to "the Corporate Ministry" and they wanted to etch trauma into my psyche, make me FEEL damaged like rape victim because they're just sexual sadists who wanted to hurt me. Shoot an innocent deer for their own pleasure.
Drawing an inference from an ambiguous stimulus that leads to a conviction that an idea is true, without corroborating evidence:
Maybe the 2019 hypodermic needle post had nothing to do with me.
Maybe the photographs, although fishy, are simply suspicious and that's all it is.
Maybe the whole thing wasn't planned.
Maybe I want to blame someone, but I could even blame myself and my mental illness.
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