Post 01:
On the abilify, I keep consuming glutinous amounts of food, plus I hear it slows the metabolism. At this rate, I'm totally going to gain a significant amount of weight. So much for those skinny summer shorts I hoped to fit into. Off antipsychotics, I was thin and looked perfect.
Post 02:
Since starting the abilify, I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I can't sleep the entire night straight through. However, in comparison to the invega, risperdal, and latuda, it seems like abilify is the least hardcore of them all. But I'm only freshly on the medication.
Post 03:
It's frustrating when you set the bar too high because there's no one on your level and you want people to be.
John Lennon said:
"No one I think is in my tree
I mean, it must be high or low
That is, you can't, you know, tune in but it's all right
That is, I think it's not too bad"
Post 04:
I definitely have a social media addiction, which is kind of also like a gambling addiction, because I want my content to lead to riches and fame and make me the next iconic talk show host and movie star. However, I've been attempting it since 2008 with no success. Give it up!
Post 05:
I feel lonely, alone, unloved, like a loser, and burden. I'm hoping to become independent. I desire friends and intimacy. I'm well-behaved most of the time. Other times I'll get frustrated and do self-destructive things. Throwing emotional temper tantrums. It ruins relationships.
Post 06:
What I need is a "real life", love, financial independence, and freedom. I need more hugs and love. Be grateful for my loved ones even though they neglect me emotionally and treat me like the bane of their existence. It could've been worse. I could've been homeless.
Post 07:
I am angry that I lost so much time, 35 years, unheard, unloved, alone in my head. I want to blame my parents, so many different people for my suffering - and there are a lot of people I could blame. But take responsibility for my failure because at 35 years old the problem is me
Post 08:
Although I'm anxious and extremely self-conscious in the real world, it might be for the best to stay off social media and to do things with real people. Don't be too hard on myself, I have been doing that by going to open mic nights, partial programs, and an art class sometimes.
Post 09:
Some people say journalizing is unhealthy. I disagree. Maybe making my diary public with the hopes of creating a autobiographical documentary about my life could be problematic. It's good to let out your feelings and frustrations. It's better than internalizing all the pain.
Dr. Garrett Posts:
Post 01:
When it comes to Kelly, I often say I SUSPECT she knew Elon Musk, or I BELIEVE. These are the key words for daydreams becoming real - aka delusions. Until she literally tells me she has kept a secret, lied, or lied by omission, assume what she's told me is the reality. Correct?
Post 02:
Dr. Garrett said (about an email I'm NOT going to share): "I'm interested in what is going on for you, but this post is a proclamation of your ever-changing beliefs, not part of a conversation with me. Please re-write this post with the intent of having a conversation with me. If you are not sure what the difference is between a proclamation and a conversation, we can discuss that the next time we meet."
Post 03:
Saying, I know Kelly knew Elon Musk and they were all having fun living the billionaire lifestyle while I was in solitude... That's a delusional proclamation, obviously.
Post 04:
Asking, do you think my parents would intentionally hurt me?... That's a question Dr. Garrett could reply to.
Post 05:
Am a really projecting my sexual frustrations onto my parents (like my psychiatrists say)? OR are my parents really sexual sadists who got / get pleasure from my suffering? I'm thinking it's the latter. I believe my parents not only didn't care, they also liked seeing me in pain.
Post 06:
Maybe it's hostile dependency? Although I am suffering and extremely sexually frustrated, have been involuntarily celibate for like my whole life, my parents aren't monsters who INTENDED to hurt me, correct? How are you so sure they aren't deceiving "monsters behind a mask?"
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