My Email:
Sun, Dec 15, 2019, 5:59 PM
I'm going to a Christmas concert next Sunday. I need to be dressed nicely.
I no longer fit into my suit pants. Gained too much weight. I needed new pants.
Since there is a gray stripe on the jacket my mom said I need dark grey pants - not black.
I'm afraid it doesn't match.
____
I feel like my mom says: "it matches" because she doesn't feel like spending money on a new suit, or because she's lazy and doesn't feel like picking out a suit.
So I'll look like a buffoon, like usual.
It's better than her dressing me in all black for my friend's engagement.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Mon, Dec 16, 2019, 5:43 AM
Andrew
I fear the "my mother is the bane of my existence" theme is again creeping in here. I think the real issue is the complex array of factors that have made it difficult for you to achieve your adult independence (chiefly the bullying and its illness consequences). If you were living independently of your mother, none of these issues would arise. I raise the following questions in our ongoing effort to help you meet the very real challenges of living independently in the real world.
For starters, you imagine your mother's motive to be laziness in not wanting to pick out a suit for you. It is possible that someone in the picture is lazy, but it may not be your mother. Why aren't you expecting to pick out your own clothes?
Is your mother responsible for your having gained weight so that your old clothes are ill fitting?
Is it possible that your mother is operating on a tight budget, especially after financing the extension for you? How is it going with you taking over responsibility for monitoring your own budget?
In our last session we discussed how comments accusing others (like remarks to your girlfriend, and often your mother) may undermine your wish to build better interpersonal relationships.
Dr G
My Email:
Thu, Jan 9, 2020, 1:10 PM
Tweet 01:
According to Dr. Natural, something I do is "mentalizing." I imagine what someone else is thinking. Although friends have told me I have good intuition about people. Unfortunately, what I imagine is sometimes wrong. I need to catch false thoughts before they become reality.
Tweet 02
The lines of fantasy and reality get blurred in my mind.
Advice Dr. Natural gave me is when my imagination starts to run wild - catch it and check it. Say to myself, "there I go again." Then change it before the daydream becomes real and I'm lost in fantasy.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Thu, Jan 9, 2020, 1:18 PM
Andrew
Good notes!
A little bit more about the capacity to "mentalize." Mentalizing is a normal psychological function. When we mentalize we come to an idea of what other people are thinking. No one is 100% accurate all the time about other people. In your case though, when you imagine what is going on in the minds of other people, your image of other people swing wildly at times, from warm feelings to seeing the other person as a sadistic monster or sexual abuser (monster masks on a stick). Your capacity to accurately mentalize what is going on in the minds of other people significant impairs your ability to have successful social interactions. When you "mentalize" other people as sadistic monsters, they feel hurt, and it costs you in your relationships.
My Email:
Thu, Jan 9, 2020, 1:20 PM
That makes a lot of sense, Dr. Garrett. Thanks
My Email:
Tue, Jan 14, 2020, 2:20 PM
My parents took sadistic pleasure in fucking me up. They wanted to make me the most crazed they possibly could... And the reason is Billy Joel is my biological father.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Tue, Jan 14, 2020, 5:09 PM
Andrew
5 hours ago we were talking about how your daydreams become your imagined reality, and now they have, again. There is no evidence that Billy Joel is your father. It is something you daydream about from time to time. It seems to me that you didn't quite "catch" the daydream becoming delusion this time around.
Dr G
My Email:
Sat, Jan 25, 2020, 6:35 PM
My step dad was in my apartment to set up the alarm system for the house. While we talked, I felt a sexual tension. I was submitting, he had powerful body language. It was like walking on eggshells being around him.
This is probably why I used to run all day and live in a fantasy-land. I was trying to escape my home environment.
A former doctor said I'm projecting onto him. Nah, he likes having power over me.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sun, Jan 26, 2020, 11:19 AM
Andrew
I imagine, though I may be wrong about this, that every time you charge someone in your family with being an abuser in an email, and you later retract it, you think no harm done. If you think this way, I would urge you to consider the following.
1) each mistaken charge against a person erodes that relationship, making it more and more difficult to make amends with each cycle of accusation
2) each time you are mistaken about some person's actions and intentions you have taken a step backward rather than forward in exercising the social skills necessary to live in the real world as an adult. The way your mind flips your father, step-father, and mother into the abuser role is the same process that flips your girlfriend into that role. Keep working on "catch it-check it-change it" to recognize when your mind is flipping in this way.
Dr G
My Email:
Sun, Jan 26, 2020, 11:24 AM
I often do think no harm done when these intense thoughts pass. I need to catch them before they overtake me, and harm happens. I want meaningful relationships.
Actually, I was getting Kelly's infecting me with HIV thoughts this morning, but I'm not gonna let myself get overwhelmed. Catch it, check it, change it
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