Tonight's trip to the psychiatrist (Commute)
My Email:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 12:48 PM
My Mom claims she wants me to be independent. But she's also keeping me on a short leash, like a prisoner.
For example, tonight, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. He's on the North Shore of Long Island, we live on the South Shore. Opposite ends of the island. It's a long trip.
I've never driven to my doctor alone. Either my mom, dad, or both take me.
Tonight, my Mom isn't feeling well. So she can't go.
My dad lives on the North Shore (by the psychiatrist) and doesn't want to pick me up on the South Shore, drive back up North for the doctor, back down South to drop me home, then back up North again to return to his home.
My dad said he'd meet mid-island, halfway.
I'm telling my mom, that I might as well drive myself. My Dad going is a bit of a farce anyway. He doesn't contribute much to the appointment besides the check. Not to mention, going alone would be good for overcoming anxiety.
Remember, I don't drive on the parkway. But I told her I could take the back streets. It'll take a while. But I know how to get there.
My mom says it's rush hour and holiday traffic. She can't drive, and she's making me too anxious to drive. We BOTH have bad anxiety.
I asked about an uber or taxi. She said that VERY expensive. And even that seems overwhelming.
And I told her don't yell at Dad to pick me up at the house. If you do that, he'll make the entire trip miserable for me.
Then I start to get delusional that my parents have sinister motives. I don't think they want me showing up to my psychiatrist alone, they want me to look disabled, low-functioning, and helpless - needing a parent - to erase their crime.
But then I come out of the tsunami delusion and realize she's anxious, I'm anxious, and my dad can be a jerk. And I'm frustrated that I'm shrinking my world.
It looks like I'm meeting my dad half-way tonight. But this can't be the norm in the future,
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 2:43 PM
Andrew
Good progress in your catching the tsunami delusion as it was emerging from your frustration. You mother not being able to drive you is a harbinger of times to come, when you mother will be less able to take care of you. That why we need the strong press toward you independence now, before her inevitable retreat becomes more an issue.
Dr G
Keep up the 4 homework tasks despite the tension over this doctor's visit.
My Email:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 2:55 PM
You're absolutely right. I need to figure out how to get to my doctor's on my own NOW before my mom gets older and unable to do it for me.
I will continue with the homework assignments
My Email:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 12:48 PM
My Mom claims she wants me to be independent. But she's also keeping me on a short leash, like a prisoner.
For example, tonight, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. He's on the North Shore of Long Island, we live on the South Shore. Opposite ends of the island. It's a long trip.
I've never driven to my doctor alone. Either my mom, dad, or both take me.
Tonight, my Mom isn't feeling well. So she can't go.
My dad lives on the North Shore (by the psychiatrist) and doesn't want to pick me up on the South Shore, drive back up North for the doctor, back down South to drop me home, then back up North again to return to his home.
My dad said he'd meet mid-island, halfway.
I'm telling my mom, that I might as well drive myself. My Dad going is a bit of a farce anyway. He doesn't contribute much to the appointment besides the check. Not to mention, going alone would be good for overcoming anxiety.
Remember, I don't drive on the parkway. But I told her I could take the back streets. It'll take a while. But I know how to get there.
My mom says it's rush hour and holiday traffic. She can't drive, and she's making me too anxious to drive. We BOTH have bad anxiety.
I asked about an uber or taxi. She said that VERY expensive. And even that seems overwhelming.
And I told her don't yell at Dad to pick me up at the house. If you do that, he'll make the entire trip miserable for me.
Then I start to get delusional that my parents have sinister motives. I don't think they want me showing up to my psychiatrist alone, they want me to look disabled, low-functioning, and helpless - needing a parent - to erase their crime.
But then I come out of the tsunami delusion and realize she's anxious, I'm anxious, and my dad can be a jerk. And I'm frustrated that I'm shrinking my world.
It looks like I'm meeting my dad half-way tonight. But this can't be the norm in the future,
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 2:43 PM
Andrew
Good progress in your catching the tsunami delusion as it was emerging from your frustration. You mother not being able to drive you is a harbinger of times to come, when you mother will be less able to take care of you. That why we need the strong press toward you independence now, before her inevitable retreat becomes more an issue.
Dr G
Keep up the 4 homework tasks despite the tension over this doctor's visit.
My Email:
Wed, Dec 12, 2018, 2:55 PM
You're absolutely right. I need to figure out how to get to my doctor's on my own NOW before my mom gets older and unable to do it for me.
I will continue with the homework assignments
without a voice
My Email:
Sun, Dec 16, 2018, 9:47 AM
I wonder if someday someone - perhaps an old friend, an undercover celebrity boss - they'll say, we've been watching you and I'll get so embarrassed. In a way, I feel like I'm broadcasting to no one. It feels like no one cares. I'm sitting in my room without a voice.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sun, Dec 16, 2018, 11:59 AM
I hear your voice, but all I can deliver is help with the hard work of your individual recover.
Matt Security
My Email:
Sat, Dec 22, 2018, 8:42 PM
I was frustrated sitting in my room, so I drove to the mall. Mall security is observing me. They're constantly walking past and using the walkie-talkie. Leave me alone. I know I stand out. But I bought clothes from Macy's, am eating at the food court. I'm doing nothing wrong.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sun, Dec 23, 2018, 3:47 AM
Andrew - I wasn't there, so I don't know for sure, but don't mall security guys generally walk around and look at people and use their walkie-talkies as part of their job? Idea of reference = heightened self-consciousness, where you feel singled out or that you stand out.
stop the delusions
My Email:
Sat, Dec 29, 2018, 6:23 PM
I haven't been intimate with a woman in years and I haven't had a good friend in years. Most days, I'm sitting in the house with my Mom and Step Dad, alone in my head. It's so unhealthy.
Tonight, I'm not going anywhere yet again. My parents are sitting there watching TV and I start to think they're getting off sexually from my suffering. But I quickly caught it. I realized my parents aren't getting off, I'm just sexually frustrated, socially isolated, and blame them for it.
My parents love me very much and AREN'T sadistic predators. In fact, they want nothing but good things for me. My mom even bought me a membership to match.com to meet a woman.
I was able to stop the delusions before they happened.
Now I need to make friends and have sex. Being in the real world will quell the delusions, at least the sex-related ones.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sat, Dec 29, 2018, 9:56 PM
Andrew
Terrific! Good for you. You are putting your intelligence to a good purpose. If it was true once that you experience your own sexual frustration as your parent's arousal, it will be true again, and likely again. Every time you form that impression, that your parents are sexually aroused by your suffering you can have the same reaction every time. It wasn't true last time and it will never be true. Catch it-check it-change it.
My Email:
Sun, Dec 30, 2018, 4:09 AM
Sat, Dec 22, 2018, 8:42 PM
I was frustrated sitting in my room, so I drove to the mall. Mall security is observing me. They're constantly walking past and using the walkie-talkie. Leave me alone. I know I stand out. But I bought clothes from Macy's, am eating at the food court. I'm doing nothing wrong.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sun, Dec 23, 2018, 3:47 AM
Andrew - I wasn't there, so I don't know for sure, but don't mall security guys generally walk around and look at people and use their walkie-talkies as part of their job? Idea of reference = heightened self-consciousness, where you feel singled out or that you stand out.
stop the delusions
My Email:
Sat, Dec 29, 2018, 6:23 PM
I haven't been intimate with a woman in years and I haven't had a good friend in years. Most days, I'm sitting in the house with my Mom and Step Dad, alone in my head. It's so unhealthy.
Tonight, I'm not going anywhere yet again. My parents are sitting there watching TV and I start to think they're getting off sexually from my suffering. But I quickly caught it. I realized my parents aren't getting off, I'm just sexually frustrated, socially isolated, and blame them for it.
My parents love me very much and AREN'T sadistic predators. In fact, they want nothing but good things for me. My mom even bought me a membership to match.com to meet a woman.
I was able to stop the delusions before they happened.
Now I need to make friends and have sex. Being in the real world will quell the delusions, at least the sex-related ones.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Sat, Dec 29, 2018, 9:56 PM
Andrew
Terrific! Good for you. You are putting your intelligence to a good purpose. If it was true once that you experience your own sexual frustration as your parent's arousal, it will be true again, and likely again. Every time you form that impression, that your parents are sexually aroused by your suffering you can have the same reaction every time. It wasn't true last time and it will never be true. Catch it-check it-change it.
My Email:
Sun, Dec 30, 2018, 4:09 AM
I'm also trying to let go of the "Taylor Swift knows who I'm" or an "old friend cares" delusions. This one isn't as easy to fight. While I know it's untrue, I want it to be true so badly - because it's comforting.
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