Although I didn't realize it and she's in disguise, I've been going on dates with Olivia Rodrigo, and all I wanted was an explanation from Kelly.
Assuming the HIV scare was PREMEDITATED. What does it mean? Does it mean Kelly and my parents aren't the gaslighters? Does it mean the torturer is Dr. Garrett? He'll deny it and say I'm delusional. Did they want to turn me into a rockstar? Did Dr. Garrett metaphorically shoot me?
As Dr. Garrett says, I flip back and forth between regarding myself as being delusional as a result of a “tsunami of emotion” to re-affirming my conviction that THEY'RE sadists who are the bane of my existence, that THEY'RE “gaslighting” me.
Dr. Garrett also says, I am preoccupied in my emails with demands that THEY “confess” to what they are doing, which never happens because THEY are not engaged in the clandestine plots I imagine.
Catch it, check it, change it. Try to realize no one is gaslighting me. No one had nefarious intentions. It was my own fear and anxiety that made me take PrEP. I made an adult decision. Was it a traumatic mistake? Yes, but no one was secretly a sadistic monster behind a mask.
Stop living in my solitary Joanne Greenberg fantasyland. As Gary Burr says, "love is out there... But you have to go get it." The key to recovery is developing interpersonal relationships and independence. But to be frank, it's having a loving romantic relationship with a woman.
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