IF something really bad happened in my childhood - I swear to God - I have no memory of it. Could I have been drugged? Accept things at face value. Only believe things I have evidence of. I'm dead serious - I have no memory. Maybe I'm delusional and nothing happened?
Or maybe it was simply the wrestling? But it was bad enough. At the time, I didn't think it was a big deal.
Has everything been a humiliation ritual and revenge for the wrestling? Or were people's intentions GENUINELY GOOD and they were trying to help me recover? The mega regimen of medications for example - did they enjoy my suffering? Or did they want the best for me?
Even if intergender wrestling is inappropriate, I don't remember hitting any moves like the Bronco Buster. Assuming it's a receipt, I didn't deserve to live in a death camp over that. Was I being pharmacologically abused? Or were their intentions good?
Even if you don't think you hurt someone doesn't mean they don't feel you did. So say Sorry. Take accountability. Say it's inappropriate. Apologize.
Even if it was inappropriate, I've completely evolved as a person. I didn't deserve to be pharmacologically abused and to live in a death camp. Also, though it's no excuse, try to remember how badly I was getting bullied at school at the time too.
At this point, I'll confess. What do you want me to confess to? What do you want me to call it? I don't even know myself. Leave me alone. I just want to be loved. I literally will confess to anything, even if it's untrue, just for this nightmare to end.
oh, it's Alexa Bliss
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