Even if the HIV scare was not premeditated. No one has ever shown sensitivity, empathy, or warmth towards me. No one has ever given me a hug. They yell at me and tell me to increase my psychiatric medications otherwise they threaten to hospitalize me. I just want someone to care.
Rather than say: I know how much you were hurt and affected by January 2020. They yell at me. Treat me like the bane of their existence. They threaten the hospital. It made me feel defective, damaged, and metaphorically HIV positive. It feels like no one cares about me at all.
I'm SCREAMING for someone to love me. Instead of showing love, they pharmacologically abuse me for getting human emotions, or worse hospitalize me. Even if their intentions aren't nefarious and they think I need the medications - it's like the Pearl Jam song Jeremy.
What I need is empathy and to be genuinely loved, but that's not going to happen from these monsters. Frankly, they couldn't care less if I dropped dead - the evidence being 2005 - 2011 when I was running. So as a result, avoid them, heal myself, and find A GENUINE LOVE LIFE.
I know it's their house. If I don't like it go to a group home or be homeless. It could be worse. They treat me like trash, a burden, without love. They want to control me into being medicated because they want me passive. It's reactive abuse or cries to be loved.
Rather than try to hear and EMPATHIZE with me, I'm given an ultimatum. Increase my medication or go to the psychiatric hospital - it's barbaric that hellhole and they know it. I don't want to increase the medications, but if those are the options then I have no choice. I have to.
I'm increasing the abilify from 5 mg to 10 mg starting today. I've been taking 5 mg daily for weeks. My parents are watching me take it - which will continue. I'll be compliant.
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