Because in late 2019 I was on websites like Seeking Arrangement, which is a Sugar Daddy website, was Kelly a Sugar Momma and I didn't even realize it? Was the whole thing orchestrated by my mother or father? Is Kelly responsible for this apartment I'm currently living in? Basically, was I something she paid for? Was I a Sugar Baby? I wasn't technically a Sugar Baby because I was unaware that the thing might have been orchestrated by my mother or father. But basically, was I being used for my good looks? Did Kelly never love me? Was I just something for her to use and discard of? Basically, was I something for Kelly to torture? Or did Kelly genuinely love me? Did Kelly genuinely care about me? Because I was at rock bottom at a mental health psychosocial clubhouse. I want to think, at the very least, that even if she liked the intimacy, I want to think the HIV "accident" - or what I'm being led to believe was an accident - I want to believe that wasn't premeditated. I want to believe nobody gaslit me into taking PrEP. But maybe I was something to be tortured - ya know?
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