Nobody loved me. Nobody cared about me. They were all dehumanizing me. They were all laughing at me. They were all getting pleasure from my suffering. They left me solitary to develop a life-threatening terminal illness. Nobody cared if I died. Nobody cared about me at all. They were all having the times of their lives with money, interacting with the opposite gender, and having fun. Me - I was solitary pouring my life down the drain, anxious, agoraphobic. I wasted my best years - my 20s, the beginning of my 30s - in a solitary fantasyland. And nobody cared. Nobody cared at all. Nobody cared if I died.
I had no friends, I had hardly any girlfriends. Everybody was bullying me. Everybody was dehumanizing me. Nobody loved me. My friends and family didn't love me. They didn't care if I got hurt. They wanted me to die maybe. Nobody cared. Nobody loved me. I was just a piece of meat, I was a piece of trash, I was a piece of garbage to everyone. I was worthless, a zero, an insect. They just wanted me dead. Nobody loved me!
And I came back with determination. I'm about to be crowned as king. I'm about to be the ultimate winner. I'm not sure if they regret what they've done now. But if they do regret it it's not because they weren't getting pleasure from my suffering. It's not because they feel guilty. If they do regret it it's because I'm going to be champion and they're going to look like garbage, they're going to look like bullies, they're going to look like monsters. And they want to do revisionist history so they don't look like monsters. That's the only reason, if they do regret it, that they regret it is because they don't want to look like monsters.
Now I'm not saying it's always good to self-deprecate, to make yourself into a laughing stock, to turn yourself into the butt of the joke, to dehumanize yourself, and so on. but sometimes you'll be around somebody who thinks of himself as a zero, worthless and is in major need of mental health recovery. I'm appreciative of people who don't mind humiliating and dehumanizing themselves, not in a way where I feel superior to them. They do it because they have a history of having gotten bullied and they trying to show me "Look, we're equals. I'm not above you. There's no reason to feel less than everybody else, there's no reason to feel like an insect, there's no reason to feel like a piece of meat - we're all equals. You don't have to feel worthless."
I really appreciate people with kind hearts who are genuinely good like that, who try to lift people and see they're not worthless. These people will go out of their way to dehumanize themselves so somebody who feels extremely self-conscious and insecure will not feel like a piece of meat or a zero. This person will feel as though he's their equal. he will feel as though he's their peer. I think people who don't mind dehumanizing themselves like that, who don't mind making themselves into the butt of the joke... obviously, it's not good to disparage and degrade yourself but sometimes it makes somebody see, "look, we're equals and you don't have to feel worthless."
And I came back with determination. I'm about to be crowned as king. I'm about to be the ultimate winner. I'm not sure if they regret what they've done now. But if they do regret it it's not because they weren't getting pleasure from my suffering. It's not because they feel guilty. If they do regret it it's because I'm going to be champion and they're going to look like garbage, they're going to look like bullies, they're going to look like monsters. And they want to do revisionist history so they don't look like monsters. That's the only reason, if they do regret it, that they regret it is because they don't want to look like monsters.
Now I'm not saying it's always good to self-deprecate, to make yourself into a laughing stock, to turn yourself into the butt of the joke, to dehumanize yourself, and so on. but sometimes you'll be around somebody who thinks of himself as a zero, worthless and is in major need of mental health recovery. I'm appreciative of people who don't mind humiliating and dehumanizing themselves, not in a way where I feel superior to them. They do it because they have a history of having gotten bullied and they trying to show me "Look, we're equals. I'm not above you. There's no reason to feel less than everybody else, there's no reason to feel like an insect, there's no reason to feel like a piece of meat - we're all equals. You don't have to feel worthless."
I really appreciate people with kind hearts who are genuinely good like that, who try to lift people and see they're not worthless. These people will go out of their way to dehumanize themselves so somebody who feels extremely self-conscious and insecure will not feel like a piece of meat or a zero. This person will feel as though he's their equal. he will feel as though he's their peer. I think people who don't mind dehumanizing themselves like that, who don't mind making themselves into the butt of the joke... obviously, it's not good to disparage and degrade yourself but sometimes it makes somebody see, "look, we're equals and you don't have to feel worthless."
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