There's obviously a hidden reality... I'M DONE. TELL ME THE TRUTH!
I don't want to think they are monsters behind a mask who were getting perverse sexual pleasure from my suffering, but it's OBVIOUSLY TRUE. It's clear as day. They're SADISTIC DECEIVERS. They were only creating a facade they were helping. In reality, it was sabotage and torture.
They'll lie and say it's "projection." I SUSPECT my mother, stepfather, father, women online, psychiatrists, WHOEVER - I SUSPECT they were getting pleasure from my suffering. They say I'm really suffering, BUT it was the school bullies who actually got pleasure from my pain.
Even if it's true, even if I was being pharmacologically abused, sabotaged, tortured, and they had nefarious intentions - I LOOK DELUSIONAL. I'll never be able to prove it in a court case. But I suspect I was being tortured and gaslit with PREMEDITATED INTENT by a sexual sadist.
At this point, calm down. Try to realize there's no deception or gaslighting. My parents and friends genuinely love, or loved me until I started getting persecutor delusions about them. There's no nefarious hidden reality. They're not perverse MONSTERS. Calm down and be happy.
Genuinely apologize to my friends and family for the delusional accusations I've been making about them over the course of these past few months. I'm back on medication. I'm doing well. Though, the abilify makes me tired. I really don't want to be on medication - accept I NEED IT.
What do I want? I want ALL my sadistic persecutors in prison for what they've done to me. It's obvious I was tortured by sexual sadists and I'm going to try my hardest to make it happen. So how do I do it?
So it's never been delusional? I really was getting raped in my childhood, was the victim of a pedophile ring, was getting tortured and gaslit? I don't have a memory of sexual abuse and no one corroborates it. Mental blocks don't exist. I'm having an emotional tsunami right now.
Get a grip and take my medication as prescribed. I don't want to go to the psychiatric hospital again.
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